I guess for 6 years now, i am
always thinking of a new years resolution in where could help me to
start a new life, a new different me for a new year! Been thinking of
things i am afraid, weak, things that is really hard for me to do.
Last wednesday, January 09 i
decided to go to Baclaran for a novena in where i usually do...it is
past 2:30 pm and the novena will start by 3pm. So i attend the mass
while waiting for the novena. The confession room catches my attention
... and i dont know why suddenly i ask myself "should i confess all my
sin now?" My heart beats so fast and started to feel fear and questions
flows over me. "am i ready to confess now?" "how will i start?" "can i
stand it over and am i really ready to change now?" Been standing,
thinking and asking myself for over 30 minutes before i decided to go
in front of the confession room. Still asking and telling myself that i
could still back out and just simply ask for God's forgiveness. But the
light turned off and someone from inside came out...and my heart told
me to come in...and be strong...be ready to confess and accept whatever
consequences it may bring.
I came inside and crazy...i am
looking for the switch in where could make the light turn on, but i
dont see any so i kneeled and started to talk to the priest on the
other room.
The priest asked me when is the
last time i confessed...and i am really feeling nervous. What are the
sin that i want ot confess...i am almost crying while talking and
confessing. I feel so ashamed...for myself, to the priest, to all the
people i have done wrong with, to God!
I came out to the room and
start the novena and pray for what the priest told me so. After that, i
talked to God and asked for his forgiveness. I was shocked when i saw
myself crying. Crying like a little girl who has been funished my his
dad because of some bad action. But feel happy afterwards because my
dad kissed me and hug me...and told me not to do it again because it is
bad!!!
I feel so relieved and
lightened while walking back home. I dont feel any guilt and angry in
my heart now. I dont know whats with that confession but it really
makes me feel lite. There are things that i still dont know how i am
going to start with but i just ask God to help me do all the things
that is neccessary for me to start a new life in right way.
I just hope people around me
trust me more and believe me that i can still correct myself and hoping
that they will understand me. Besides, i am not doing it only for
myself, but also for the goodness of my own family, for all my friends,
for all the people who cares alot to me and for those who have sinned
against me.
I want to forget all the pain i
have been through for the past years...all the wrong that i have done
against the people who have wronged against me. I want to change for
better and for good!
Still, i am only Human...i dont
promise that i can change that easily and quick. I dont promise that i
can be good everyday. That i can do all good and no bad...i am still
human...but i will start it by doing little things that i know that
could make my life good.
Original Date Posted : January 12, 2008
