A lot of times my mother told me that i am such a pain in her neck!I never bother to ask why 'coz i already know why. I do things that she don't want me to do. I dress like a boy when i was a little girl. I played toy gun with my brothers instead of dolls with other girls. I act like a boy. I even used to stole money from my Mothers wallet. I dont like doing thing around the house. When i was in high school, i go cutting classes with my classmates. Smoke at the back of our school building. Have fought with my teachers in Values Education, Science & my own advicer. Had my first boy friend during my 2nd year with the guy whom my mother dont like ( in fairness to him...he is such a nice guy! ) My Mother want me to be a nurse, but since i am an inborn obstinate...i took Foreign Service. From 4 years course to 5 years!!! Instead of attending Natural Sciences class which is 8 session in a month ( FTR... i only attend once a week. So thats 4 times a month! ) ... I 'd rather go to my friends house and drink beer. Though I was caught by my Mother smoking or with cigarette inside my bag ) for several times, i never quite or stop from doing so! I remember when my father ask me what benefits i gain from smoking? and if i can give him 1 good reason why he should allow me to smoke. There was no voice came out! i really to want to answer him...but i just don’t have enough strength. So, he told me to stop smoking. But its already in my system...so i continue smoking and keep on lying with my parents. After 5 long years in collage, i have finally graduated and start looking for a job ( knowing that my Father has its very own Business! ) I worked with different companies with different positions with different salaries. But i never gave my mother a cent. And its just now i have realized how bad i was! Was there a moment that i made my mother proud of me? Did i even made her smile? I don’t know! The only thing i know is that...I had never been a good daughter to my Parents. I just wish that one day...i could be the daughter that they've been looking for. But the question is....HOW? If i had never even told them that I LOVE them! If i had never let them feel that i do LOVE them? A lot of times i tried to tell them especially my Mom how I LOVE her...but whenever there is a chance, i just see myself standing and staring at her. I was always afraid of showing them and letting them know how I DO LOVE THEM SO MUCH! They see me as a very strong woman. Full of Strength. But what they don’t see is that, in spite of how old i am right now...i am still their Only Daughter who always seek for their Love and attention. Its just i cant tell them. But i want them to know that I love them so much and i really do missed them a a lot.

Original Date Posted    ;    August 15, 2006